Episode #2: Rushing to Lose Weight
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[00:00:00] Jessica: You are listening to wait a minute with Beth and Jessica. EpisodeTwo
Beth: Hey, so today we are talking about the diet culture trap of being in a rush to lose weight. I'm thinking that most of you aren't sure if there really is any other way, people love to get fast results and nobody wants to buy something that is slow. Instant gratification is what we're all seeking and weight loss is at the top of that list.
Jessica: We are inundated with ads from diet companies, promising that you can do it fast sometimes in as little as 10 days, which is just bonkers because that's not how your body actually works. That's how a media and the diet industry work. They just want to sell you something sexy, not anything real.
Beth: We see people and Facebook groups making desperate posts for tips on how to lose weight. It's also on Instagram. I'm not really sure what's happening on tick-tock, but I'm sure it's there too. We even get calls and emails from desperate potential clients saying they need to get started today because they are so eager.
Jessica: This mindset is alarming to us because we know how detrimental it is to the psyche and the body. There is so much self-induced suffering and resistance of self-acceptance. And we know it feels like this is how the weight loss journey is supposed to go because diet culture taught us this, but it is not. It's a trap to keep you fearful and desperate. It teaches you to lose weight fast and then gain it back. So you will buy more diets and make an industry a whole lot of money.
Beth: When you've been told that where you are at now is wrong, your brain wants to fix it. When your brain perceives something that's wrong or as a threat, then it's normal to want to fix it and do it right away. But unfortunately, bodies don't really work that way. If it took you three years or five years or a year to get to where your body is now. Then why should it only take 10 or even 30 days to change it to your ideal or where you think you should be? So let's talk more about this. Jessica. Why do we disdain deadlines?
Jessica: I'm so glad you asked a deadline implies that there's a set time in which you will take certain actions. And then once you get to this made up date, that you can change your ways and then just like go back to your old set of ways, which doesn't make any sense whatsoever to me. What do you think?
Beth: Yeah, totally. So I have a very similar saying, which is not necessarily a set time that people have a set number on the scale that they want to see or a clothing size. So it's still is that thing that when they get to that, that's what it will be. And then they get there and then they undo it all. Cause they, they celebrate with their success that they made. They forgot about all this stuff that they just did to get to the that that goal.
Jessica: Yeah. And it's like, they're celebrating with food because they never really addressed the issue to begin with. Right, right, right. And I just want to be clear that we're not anti-goal. We talk about goals a lot with our clients, but there's so much more than just this arbitrary number.
[00:03:36] Beth: Right because it's the process that really matters. So what we're all missing because it's not sexy and fun. And instant is the process of getting there.
Jessica: Yeah, because you might not even find that arbitrary number. It's like, what if you don't actually get to the goal? Like, it doesn't mean that you're failing or that the journey is not
Beth: right, because we actually don't know what each person's body really needs. Like we talk about briefly and the previous podcast, which we'll talk about more in depth later is about what is your natural weight? And often times. When we come up with a goal, either a size, a pound number or whatever, we don't actually know if that's what's right. We don't know if that's what's right for our body. And we don't know if that's where our body should be and what we want to do. We can get to somewhere, but everybody's disappointed because it's not that number that they think they should. be at, and sometimes it's self it's really even messed up for a lot of people because their doctor says they have to be this X BMI or this X number. And so then they are getting this like failure message from their healthcare providers too, but that's.
Jessica: That's a whole other podcast. This is the trap, right? We think it's only this arbitrary goal that matters. And we'll only find happiness. If we get to this number, like we cannot be happy or successful unless we make this goal happen. But if we're not enjoying the journey, then you're not going to enjoy the goal. And that's big.
Beth: That's huge. Yeah, a lil' repeat here. So everybody really hears this. It's the process that matters. It's the journey that matters because that is what changes you, not the goal weight or the goal size. It's the process that you took to get there that changed you. So what's the alternatives is it's not a rush? People are going to be totally freaked out by slowing it down and not getting instant gratification. So, what are those benefits of slowing down?
[00:05:49] Jessica: There are some great benefits of slowing down, even if it feels counter intuitive. At first, the first is fewer restrictions. Like imagine a life where you can eat carbs, they can enjoy all of the foods that you actually like to enjoy. Most people live in this all or nothing mindset, and they think they won't have enough willpower to live in moderation. But that's just diet culture talking and your willpower is total BS anyway, nobody has enough willpower to restrict everything forever. It's just not natural and you're not supposed to do that. Will power isn't the problem. And when we over restrict, that's usually causing a lot more undesirable behaviors like overeating and bingeing anyway. So when we can relax into fewer restrictions and manage our relationship with food, we are going to get better results in the long run.
Beth: Yes, absolutely. Okay. Anything else?
[00:06:47] Jessica: Yeah, I think slowing down, and this is a big one is removing negative self-talk and addressing the guilt and shame. And self-deprecation, that comes with your relationship with food, right? When we're only focused on the number and we're not addressing all of this, then when we get to that number, that's why we can't enjoy the goal because we're still beating ourselves up. Even if we have the result that we think we might. So some people even say that this beating themselves up is motivation, but we really show them how it is not negative. Thoughts and feelings often create negative results, whether you see it or not. And we aren't saying that you have to be fake or positive in a way that doesn't feel authentic to you, but releasing the weight of beating yourself up actually contributes to lightening up overall
Beth: if we were to add this to internal family systems, language, that negative self-talk is coming from a part of you. And it's basically squashing down the other parts that may want to. So if you don't have your whole system on board with the changes that you're making with temporarily restricting some foods, Really more moderations, if not all of your system is on board with the weight loss journey, then you're going to have a lot of pushback internally with those feelings and thoughts that you have as well.
Jessica: So resistance is no fun.
Beth: Resistance is no fun.
[00:08:15] Jessica: Then the other one is really keeping the results that you created. So. You did all of this hard work and if you are on or off a diet or on or off the wagon, and then you get to that goal and then you just give it all up, like, what is the point? So when we're slowing down, it really allows you to enjoy the journey and keep the results that you created for yourself.
Beth: Yes. The thing that we say a lot to our clients, there is no on or off the wagon, the wagon is just always with you. You're always just pulling behind you. Okay. So I want to just tell you this little tidbit about the Freakonomics radio podcasts that I love to listen to you. And I was listening to one very recently about how the U.S. Is different from other countries. And one of them was about short and long-term. So the United States as a whole, we are often only looking at government level down to the individually. At what are the short term things we can change to make things better now. And we are rarely looking at what are the things that we can do now that will make things better for the longterm. And so it's kind of like in our DNA as Americans to want instant gratification. So we've got the human brain that's biologically wired for instant gratification. And then compile that with like a whole cultural component of needing things now, or in the very short term versus like, what does that term game really look like?
[00:09:54] Jessica: Yeah. There's no surprise there,
Beth: but America, it's a great place for different reasons and not so great for others. Well, what about when you have the natural fluctuations that life brings us such as baby weight, holiday weight, the quarantine weight, and maybe even more quarantine weight. If we are continuing to digress in this journey of the pandemic. So tell me about natural fluctuations fitting into this?
[00:10:24] Jessica: Okay. I hope this answer blows some of your minds a little bit, because fluctuations are totally normal and natural. And when I say you will learn, how can keep your results. I don't actually mean that you are going to weigh this arbitrary magic number forever, or that you're going to be in this size forever because. That's probably not the case, right? The result is far bigger than you can even imagine. The result is understanding what self-confidence really is. It is having a true knowing of how to nourish your body in those fluctuations so that you don't have to seek external ideas from the internet to tell you what to do.
It is understanding how to create that peace and joy and whatever it is that you want to feel and holding onto those things and knowing how to navigate these on your own. It's not just about like, oh, Hey, you're going to be a size eight forever. And your body will never change. I think in our brains, that's what we think we're supposed to be. And that's really not the case at all.
Beth: Right, totally. Because we've got hormone changes from different stages of life, the natural ebbs and flows. If you become a caregiver and the stress you might take on from that, and there's just so many things. And so, yeah, it's totally important to realize that no matter what you and your body have each other's back. Your worth and your body's worth is not determined, but this number that we've all decided we need to be at.
Jessica: I couldn't agree more.
[00:11:58] Beth: Okay. What is the first step you would tell somebody if they are struggling with quick fix mentality?
Jessica: The first thing is just pause and take a breath. And now that you're okay and that there's nothing wrong, right? Like it's totally normal that your brain is doing this. And then the second is to get coached because a lot of times we can't see the answers that are right in front of us or even within us. And one person kind of explained coaching to me as like, imagine being inside a glass Coke bottle and the label is right in front of you, but you can't see it because what the writing is on the other side of the glass, And so sometimes having a coach is just having that other person right on the other side of you helping you see what's on the front.
So I have a personal story that kind of shows a clear example of how this works.
Beth: So I love this story so much.
Jessica: One time I was with my husband. We're picking up furniture from this apartment complex. And I had the baby in the stroller and we were walking around the pool area because it was really beautiful. And I walked into this little gated patio because I wanted to check out the really cool chairs that were there. And then as soon as that gate closed behind me, I realized the gate was locked. And I had made up my mind that I was locked inside this patio and that I could not get out. It's an open patio and the wall is waist high. So I knew at the very least I can jump over the wall, but I thought, how did I get this, stroller to the other side, like, I'm going to text my husband and he's going to come save us. And so he comes over like 10 minutes later and he's like, why are you trapped? And I was like, look, I can't open the gate. You have to open it from the other side. And he was like, oh, And it took a minute for me to realize, and he's so funny cause he didn't want to give me the answer. He's such a, he's a puzzle guy and he always wants me to solve these puzzles. So it took a minute and I was starting to get really mad and frustrated with, and then it clicked. I was like, oh my God. All I had to do was reach over and open the door from the others by like, it was so easy. The answer was right in front of me, but my brain had decided that I was totally trapped and that there was nothing I could do about it. And it just refused to see the most obvious, simple solution and so to me, that is just such an amazing example of why sometimes we need coaching
Beth: still just love that story so much.
Jessica: I play the mom brain card on that.
Beth: Right. Which is actually what I was getting ready to say. Is that in your defense, weren’t exactly operating at top level. After having had a baby, our brain is still struggling. It's still sleep deprived.
Jessica: Your brain can lie to you and our brains lie to us often. So having a coach can really help you see where your brain is trying to trick you, and it can be so helpful.
Beth: Correct correct. I talk a lot about like with people write it down.I know people don't like to journal. It's like you can write it on a napkin, write down the things that your brain is saying to you and see are those statements really true?
[00:15:13] So we have our final component of our podcast, which is we're going to talk about something that is not about diet culture.
Beth: And so Jessica, I want you to tell me which I did not tell her we were doing this. It's going to be totally spontaneous. Tell me what your rose and your thorn was for the past week. And if you have any buds who do you know what rose and thorn bud is?
[Jessica: Well, I had talked to you about highs and lows. So I'm guessing a rose is a high.
Beth: Yes.
Jessica: Thorn is a low and a bud might be something you're looking forward to.
Beth: Yes,
Jessica: whenever we do these in this like moms group that I'm in, I'm always like my rose and thorn are this, but I'll try not to do that day. So I think rose is having my husband's family visiting it. Hasn't been. It's just so special to see my son to have so much family that loves him. I don't know. It's just special. I feel like we're kind of older parents and we don't have as much time with everybody as we wish we had and that's just been kind of nice to have more hands helping out around the house
Beth: and grandpa videos, playing guitar too. It's fun when Josh does it when he plays guitar, your son, but I like the grandpa more.
Jessica: Yes, it was very musical. I think that's like, that's so sad. My thorn, I really need to start digging deeper on this one, but it's just pretty much always sleep deprivation my own defense. Yes. Beth did not tell me where we're doing this. Yeah, I don't know. I think sleep deprivation is the huge one. I really prioritize sleep. That's a huge component of my overall health and optimal wellbeing and only getting like a four hour as my longest stretch is really challenging but anything else first, but after it, as a positive that I'm able to focus on that and to know that how important that is to me and make that a priority. And then the bud, I think is I just overall truly feel like I'm starting to feel more myself. And I'm careful with those words because I'm not going back to wherever I was prior to having a child because there is no going back, but I feel like I'm able to embrace, having a little bit more help. I'm able to prioritize work and prioritize movement and joy and play. A little bit more than I have in the past. And to me, I just, I see that bud growing and knowing that there's more of me in the future and that feels really good.
Beth: Wow. That was deep. I was expecting like, Oh, I might have like you have a massage scheduled next week I don't know.
Jessica No, but I do have my list and scheduling a massage. I need one though, that I'd
Beth right that's a as beautiful, profound, bud I have heard in a long time.
Jessica: Oh, I want you to tell me yours are okay.
Beth: So my rose is, we have our friends here visiting, they live in town, but they're out here at the lake doing wakeboarding camp. And so we have our friends over and the kids are all playing and having fun. So having big fun family style dinners and things like that. So that's been really fun. My thorn is my twelve-year-old is becoming a teenager. And it is so hard because of his demeanor prior to this has been the easy going kid for the most part, very jovial child. Now he doesn't want to do anything. He is grumpy all the time. He's wears a hoodie. 92 degrees and he's like wearing a hoodie. And just like playing video games with the lights out and it's like all dark and as rim it's just looks like, oh, it's just crazy.
Jessica: such a teenager he's not even a teenager yet.
Beth: I know it's just 12. And so he's just like, and we were becoming very argumentative about everything. So this is like my thorn, but there's hope on the horizon. Cause he doesn't want to hear it from my coaching brain or my parent brain. So I have a discovery call with a coach for teens this Friday. So that coaching is important
Jessica: for you, for me and for him? Cool
Beth: to be coached by a it's a male. So it's a male coach that does coaching just for teens. And I'm like, yes, that's what we need. And then oh my bud is I'm going to my next cranial sacral therapy training on Thursday. So I'll be in class Thursday through Sunday doing some more craniosacral therapy training.
Jessica: I need to add your practice sessions to my list of things we need to schedule the field.
Beth: Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, I always really enjoy those weekends cause I always completely unplug from 9:00 AM until 5:00 PM. Totally offline. And. Able to just like,soak in, the information and the work that somebody is doing it on my body and in return, give that same thing back to somebody else, body that I'm practicing on. So it's always such a wonderful time
Jessica: that is awesome. And if you guys don't know, Beth is always learning something and also part of the learning is doing something for yourself. And even long before I ever was pregnant I always thought that Beth was an inspiration as a mom because she really does a good job of creating boundaries for herself and taking the time she needs to learn or rest or whatever it is. I love that about you.
Beth: Thanks. So that's my bud. And then immediately falling. It's like a double bud actually, immediately following my return from training. We are flying out to Santa Cruz, California, and I just love Santa Cruz. So anyways, that is what I'm looking forward to our last hurrah for a little while. Love a good coastal California and trip. Okay.
So if what we're saying is the thing that is interesting to you, or you want to comment or take this conversation even further, be sure to subscribe and follow us on Instagram at path underscore nutrition.
[00:21:56] Jessica: We'll see you next week.
