Episode #3: What We Make Weight Mean
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Welcome. You are listening to Weight a Minute with Beth and Jessica, Episode three.
Hey everyone, today we are talking about weight. We are going to talk about what it actually is versus what we make it mean and why that's the real problem, not the number on the scale.
Yes. I love talking about this because even though you and I talk about it often, and we talk about it with clients there are still so many people that need to hear this.
So Beth, what is weight versus what we make weight mean?
Well, weight on your body is the combined weight of your tissues, liquids, and bones, and earth's gravitational pull on all of that mass. That’s all weight is. Let's just pause here and let that soak in. Weight is just a weight. And if it's just weight then what is the actual problem that people need help with?
Well, the issue or problem is what we make weight mean.
Ohhh clarify that for us.
We like to make weight mean a lot about us. Many people will use it as a measure of worth of themselves. So if the number says this, then I must be doing okay. But if it gets to this number, I'm worthless and they need to fix it ASAP.
I've definitely been there in the past. Yeah. It's like sometimes you see the number that you really like, and you might reward yourself with food or you see number that you hate, and then you punish yourself. And it's all self-sabotage, you know, whether you are celebrating with food or skipping a meal and hardly eating anything, it's really a painful cycle.
So let's just dig in a little bit more and to this problem. I would say that when people allow the scale to dictate how they feel in their mood and deeper, how, you know, it makes them feel like worthiness or shame or upset or anything like that. So they allow it for them to dictate the short term and this greater belief about themselves.
But the scale has nothing to do with your worth. It's just a data point that is completely neutral. Again. Hear me, the number on this scale is completely neutral. It's your thoughts about that number that create the problem. So it's not the actual number, that's the issue. You were not a good or bad person, just because the scale says something that you don't think it should be, but we base a lot of our negative self talk and often negative behaviors all around this number on the scale.
Yeah. So I think like what many people don't understand is that they perpetuate this cycle when they continue to believe that the scale and or the number on it means anything else besides data.
Right, right, right. Because the scale isn't taking into account that maybe you ate out the night before, so had way more sodium than usual, or maybe that for the last year and a half, you're still trying to manage pandemic life with your family and all of your normal routines have shifted. So you may have actually gained some weight. AND that is okay because it's just a season of life and it doesn't define who we are and how good or bad of a person you are.
Do you really want your goodness defined by hitting numbers? You know, or do you want to live for external validation from us scale? Well, we all say no,
But we'll do it anyway. It's like we get it confused. It's not real goodness. You know, because there is no real value.
It's not a moral issue. It's just this false external validation. It's not even like a real external validation. And yes, I think I still like external validation.
I'm not saying that, you know, I am Buddha and that I could live without it, but it's just one of those things where it's like, we put so much focus on this number and what we think it means so much but it doesn’t. A number is not a defining trait of your many amazing qualities as a human.
And when you release the good or bad story from your weight, you are free then to define yourself and the way that you feel and your health and your life in
totally new and exciting ways. So like, do you want to stay attached to the story of your weight or write a new story or even just be in the moment?
You know, I think if writing a new story or thinking about your future self can be overwhelming then let's just take it to the moment. So, you know, finding neutrality can be a really beautiful thing that supports you in making sustainable nourishing decisions, but also redefining your life potentially.
And you really are just so much more than a number.
Oh, for sure.
Beth. So tell me, like, when did you have an aha moment about what weight really meant for you?
Well, I have one particular, um, I call it my closet moment, but you know, it's kind of, I was letting it define who I was and I was torturing myself. I was in amazing shape in all these things, and yet I still would sign myself in my closet, measuring myself, my body parts and I was like wait a second, this is not okay anymore. Just the pure torture of it. I was exercising really well. I was eating really well. All of the things. Yeah, so I just couldn't take it anymore. And so in general, if I think about weight gain and weight loss fluctuations, it represents stories about our lives.
So, I have my college party days body versus my college days where I was training for a marathon. And, you know, the age difference was not that much, you know, and my body obviously looked very different in those things, you know, and then pregnant and then post-pregnancy I found a wonderful fitness group that totally kicked my booty.
But the stress from another big life change created even more weight loss that I didn't think that was healthy for me, but yet people were like, Ooh, you've lost all this weight. And I'm like, no, I'm literally dying of stress. And then now we've got like, you know, the ups and downs of pandemic life. And for sure, I've definitely gained weight. I know I'm not beating myself up about it because I know exactly what happened and I'm just surviving like everybody else. And so the weight fluctuates because I'm not a robot. My life has shifted and sometimes my body shifts with it and sometimes it does and it does not.
And that's okay. Like, so when my body changes, I'm not totally surprised. It's like, well, of course, it went from this to that because my day-to-day things that I ate changed and my activities changed. Again, I don't beat myself up over it. It is what it is and I just keep moving forward and do the things that create health as often as I can.
Yeah. I love that because I think when you're like, I'm not surprised, you know, we do see people who are like, I don't know how it happened because they're so checked out of, you know, the day to day. Like they're so either deeply in survival mode, but also like just connected to themselves. And I think, yeah, which is easy to do, particularly when you're under the constant stress that many of us are under.
But I know how I handle, how I managed my stress during the quarantine and it was with margaritas and some extra stuff and I didn't do as many walks in the woods with my dogs as I had previously done. So of course my body changed. I wasn't doing the same things. So yeah. Well, I think that's like that compassion lesson.
So it's like, yeah, of course. Right. Whereas a lot of people would have gone through that and be like, oh, I can't believe I let myself get here during the pandemic and like, oh, I gotta get it off as quickly as possible.
And yeah, it's like, what's the rush which we talked about already.
So Jessica, what about you?
When did you start thinking differently about it?
Yeah, there's been a couple of times that were kind of major for me in the last five years or so. The first was when I did orange theory, I think that really was four or five years ago, which is crazy to think about. Um, but I liked orange theory because it really pushed me to some limits, which I don't really do for myself very often.
And so I got into it and it does seem like one of those like cult workouts, because everybody's doing it now. But anyway, I think I gained like 20 pounds in that process and I know that most of it was mostly muscle. Like I remember my clothes fit differently. They were looser in the waist, but very tight across, you know, my thighs and my butt because I had just gotten so strong.
And I just remember looking at a scale and being like hmmm that is so interesting to see this number here because I knew that I was doing a lot of things that supported me and my strength, but I was kind of surprised to see that number. Cause at the time that was like the highest number I'd ever seen and I didn't feel bad about it.
Like that was kind of a surprise to not feel any negative emotion towards it. I was like, wow. Okay. And then obviously pregnancy is a ride, you know, it's like it is a natural, magical thing and your body is meant to be gaining. I don't know, it was a real interesting journey for myself and just body image in general.
And, you know, I actually felt like the most confident I felt I'd probably the largest I've ever been in my life because it was so natural and magical among other things. But I don't know, it was just interesting to kind of gain that perspective. Then even postpartum kind of just noticing like the number on the scale is going down, but like even at my pre-pregnancy weight, that body is not the same body, you know?
And so many people, especially postpartum are like, so focused on getting back to this number specifically of like where they were before, but it's like, it's not going to be the same.
Yeah. And that's okay. Yeah, it can, it can be the same, but it may not be the same. And, but everybody feels that it should be the same but I’m like why you grew and birthed a child.
It's like some things that go on in there. Yeah. I mean, I have so many other things to focus on. It's like my mental health, my back hurting, you know, just like healing. So many things it's like, I don't, I really didn't have time to like put a whole lot of value on the number, but also obviously, because it's so recent, I have changed my perspective on it.
So it's not as big of a deal to me, but yeah. I don't know. It's just, I feel like those experiences were really eye-opening.
So even over time, things can change. I just, yeah, I don't, I don't have energy for the good versus bad a conversation with myself because I just don't believe it anymore.
It's like the number can't be good or bad and it is just a number. And I truly believe that. And I think once you start, like, let's say, even if things really did like shift for me in a way that doesn't sound desirable. It's like that number doesn't mean everything, right? Like there's other things to care about.
So this is like a question that I would love for you to answer, which is if the number is neutral, if weight is neutral, what is there to care about?
Well, when I had my aha moment, it was, I focused on my health and it more specifically, cause that's super broad and like what everybody says and like, what does that mean?
Well, to me it meant, okay I have two kids, I’m kind of busy, I believe we were starting a practice or about to anyways, I was working. I just had a busy life and I was like, no, I need to focus on nourishing myself and my health in that way. And do I have enough energy to make it through my day-to-day life and be the best that I can right now?
So that was kind of where I started from was what does it take to be healthy and to have enough energy to do these things? And then I still, also, currently will look at things like, how is my muscle mass doing? I don’t mean like from a, oh, look at me in, I need to have like abs.
I've never had them. I've never had six-pack abs and totally okay with it.
But it’s like I can tell when my strength is going down and then it makes it harder to do some of the things. And so I know I get more fatigued easily and things like that. So I really kind of try to focus on putting nutrition in my body for energy, and then keeping my muscle mass up to the point where I'm strong enough to do the things I want to do, but not because it has a certain look in my bathing suit, right?
It's not an aesthetic. It's a lifestyle.
And it's really it's survival, you know? And I think we get confused. People are like, I just need energy. So I'm going to like consume energy drinks and never ending amounts of caffeine. And, you know, we're so busy go go going that we don't stop to like eat lunch or, you know, to find nourishment that actually gives us energy. Or sleep well or drink water. Like there are so many little things that are so basic, but it's like, those truly are the things that give us energy and focusing on just those little things, whether it's like getting enough sleep or having more water, like those are so valuable. Oh, yeah, water is becoming something that I need more and more.
Water becomes so much more critical to how I function than ever before, because before, like I knew when I wasn't hydrated enough, but now holy Batman within the last six months, like so many things go wrong with my body as a whole, from not drinking adequate water. And it's been an interesting shift.
I am the water nag of this house because my husband will go until three o'clock and I have not seen him drink any water. And I'm like, you need to drink water because I know he's going to an hour later, say I have a migraine. He will then be like, I don't know where this migraine came from? I say it is because you didn’t drink any water.
So yeah, I'm a big water advocate, but also I think in addition to all that it's like really focusing on yes, physical health, but also just like our happiness. And I think we confuse our unhappiness or loneliness with what is external, like our weight. And we think we need to focus on the weight first to find that happiness or to find companionship.
But it's the other way around. Foccusing on our mental health really is what I guess your happiness is, you know? And, and how are you tending to that and managing the stress in your life and the traumas in your life and things that are driving you to eat and drink, you know, because you don't want to feel those feelings.
I think once you can really focus on that, then it all kind of falls into place and you don't even have to think about really the food or your weight in the process because you're focusing on finding other things. I mean, it's so much easier said than done, right? Like just be happy, right? We wouldn’t actually say specifically that.
Well, it's not even, yes, happiness is great, but like, it's just, contentness. And so it's like, can I be content and have the ability to feel the negative things, right. It's like, it's not that we're supposed to be happy all the time. Right. But when we're unhappy, we think that happiness comes from these external things.
Right. We think if we weigh a certain number, then we'll be happy. But usually that never happens. We're still just as unhappy about something else or the same thing, but at the number that we were trying to get to. Yeah. And we see evidence of this by everyone, you know, go back and look at your high school photo or whatever it was that was, you know, the best smallest time of your life. And it's like, I can guarantee you that you probably had some negative thoughts back then, too. Right? So it's like, if you weren't, if you weren't happy in that, you know, body that you thought was the body, then you're not going to be happy if you find it again. They're not even related. We just are confused and we think they are related. Correct. Amen sister. I'm like, I don't have anything else to add to that.
Well, you know, it's like, you look at a photo and you're like, oh, yeah. And then it's like, yeah, why didn't I appreciate myself in that time? Like, what was I doing?
And I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that to myself now, which is why I just, I don't have the energy for it anymore. Cause yeah, when we're 70, hopefully, we make it to 70 plus, you know, when I look back at my 40 year old self, I want to be like, that was amazing. So when we talk about, you know, hey, let's just focus on neutrality and people are kind of really locked into their stories about needing the dichotomy of good and bad to keep them set straight.
What can we tell the people who say they're actually motivated by their good and bad thoughts and they have fear about neutrality? Like what would you say to them?
Well, you know, we dig in deep, usually with clients about why it is that they are motivated by these things. Why is it that they feel this is the only way they can feel motivated is by these numbers on the scale or their clothes and things like that? So there's usually more to it than that. And so then we just like keep digging and where they got these beliefs from and things like that. And then we find really the bigger life change and transformation from there.
Yeah. I have two answers. Well, one is. Why do you think you need to feel motivated to make change? Because motivation is awesome and it feels good, but it's also fleeting and you're just not going to feel motivated a hundred percent of the time. So it's like, we think in our mind, like I have to be motivated in order to do things.
And it's like, that's part of the problem. Right? That's number one.
And then number two is if you were truly motivated by thinking negatively about yourself, then you would be where you want it to be by now. Right? You wouldn't be in this diet cycle and you wouldn't be here listening to this podcast or having an appointment with me.
So it's like, we only think that this stuff is motivating, but it's just not motivating. So it's defining how do we actually need to feel and what do we really need to do to get to where we want to be?
This actually happened to one of my clients recently, though. She had actually made a lot of really good progress in the last, um, when did we serve, read together at the beginning of the year, roughly beyond numbers shifted, glucose went down, triglycerides went down, like all these things went down great.
And she's lost like a little bit of weight, but like not a ton. And so, but like all her numbers were great and the doctor was like, no, you still have to lose weight, but she's like, but look, this is going really well. So anyways, she's really frustrated cause she's like, does it matter? And I'm like, at this point if we just keep going in the right direction, you’re doing great.
Metabolically she is doing great. So which we have a whole topic on that, but she's doing really well but now she's confused and rightly so because you want to be able to trust your doctor and you want your doctor to be the teller of truth.
Well, first of all, they're not really trained in nutrition, unfortunately. And then it is, you know, this idea that like weight is the problem, but it's like, well, what if it's not? Yeah, it blows my mind that the doctor is not looking at these other data points and these numbers and noticing, hey, wow, you're doing a really great job of lowering your A1C or your cholesterol or whatever it is.
Yeah. That's just mind blowing to me. And so it's like, no wonder we're all freaked out about the number, because it's like we have these, you know, persons of authority in our lives that are telling us that it matters in addition to media and everybody else.
Right, right. Exactly. Yeah. That one was tough. I do feel like for her, we're just going to make consistent action. We're finding things that her body doesn't really care for fruit. Like you know certain foods with food sensitivity, things like that. And weight might change, but, you know, we're just being like, well, this might be set point. And so then it's just like really starting to get used to the idea of the consistency of just nourishing yourself.
And like the doctor is following a chart and who made the chart? Where do these numbers come from? Yeah, I actually found this. It was two different, you know, the BMI one it's based off of insurance, the insurance company is finding that people were likely to have these, um, things based on insurance claims. And then one of them came from a drug clearance from the body. So like how a drug is metabolized and we bought in to that. Interesting.
There's so many other factors like your genetic snips on like how you metabolize certain things through your liver, which, you know, most drugs go through your liver as I'm like, oh, is that really how we should do that? But I guess I was like the dosage on how much of the substance would affect a person's body weight. And so that's where the ideal body weight came from was related to drug amounts. Interesting.
I should probably dig the even more. Well, I'd be curious too, like how do they do that research? Was it on men and women? Was it on women of all ages?
Like we know that so much weight loss research has done on men. So, you know, all of the other factors like hormones and things are not taking into consideration. Right. So needless to say, there’s a lot of flawed madness that we're basing our whole lives and self worth around.
What is even the number? When we sit down with clients and, you know, we do ask them, we're like, hey, what is the number in your mind?
And then well, why this number? A lot of times we get clients and they're like, well, I weigh 140, and we ask what do you want to weigh? And they say 138.? It's like, but why? It's like this thing in our brain that we cannot help, but be like, I just need to adjust it slightly, even though it is nominal And doesn't mean anything. Yeah, because being in a three’s is better than being in the four’s. We're making up these arbitrary numbers based off arbitrary thoughts that have been given to us. They don't mean anything. So it's very interesting. Let's stop.
Let's stop doing it. Okay.
Well, I sure hope that we gave you something new to think about today and helped you take one more step on your path to freeing yourself from diet culture. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Instagram at @path_nutrition.
See you next week. Bye
