Episode #11 Holiday Eating & Diet Mentality

This is our Holiday special just in time for Thanksgiving. People want to know how they can navigate this season without doing whatever it is they’ve done in the past. Most people will give you tips and tricks like don’t show up hungry to the party or stand near the buffet...which isn’t bad advice but we’re going to offer you some new perspectives that will challenge diet mentality around the holidays period.

Listen to the Episode

Subscribe Now Wherever You Get Your Podcasts

Spotify Apple Google Amazon

Read the Transcript!

You are listening to wait a minute with Beth and Jessica episode.

This is our holiday special just in time for Thanksgiving. People want to know how they can navigate the season without doing whatever it is they've done in the past. Most people will give you tips and tricks. Like don't show up hungry to the party or stand near the buffet, which isn't bad advice, but we're going to offer you some new perspectives that you might not hear anywhere.

Many people take this time as an opportunity to disconnect entirely from their body or with their relationship with food. There are so many circumstances and opportunities to enjoy food during the. Which I want to offer is a made up story in your brain. Something we've actually adopted culturally because there are always circumstances around food, all your alarm, but for some reason, we still get a little anxious about the holidays because it's a time of many gatherings centered around food.

Sometimes during the holidays, we use food to manage our emotions. For many, the holidays can be hard on emotionally and food can be very comforting. So for example, if your family is not around, that used to be around, or there are bad memories around holidays, we can tend to turn to food, to comfort us. Or like many of us, we are also exposed to awkward holiday parties, or they might even be events or parties that you actually want to go to, or family gatherings, either way.

We're all putting food as the focal point of around all of these holiday gatherings from Thanksgiving through the new years. So no matter the circumstances, we hope that what we share with you today, We'll help you rethink how to navigate the holidays and food. Yes. So I have a question for you, for me or listeners for the question for the listeners.

I want them to think about how would you show up to this holiday season and every day, if you were not going to attempt to some kind of diet or fix afterwards, Like, what if diets just didn't exist and you couldn't do it starting January? What would you do? Well, if I were to answer or give the people some clues as to what that would mean, it's like, that means not treating Thanksgiving or Christmas, like the last week.

Because you won't be attempting a whole 30 in January. So the diet does, in fact, not start on Monday, he will not over restrict Sunday through Thursday to give yourself quote, unquote, permission to go wild on the weekend or at that holiday party or what. None of that. It's all just food. What is your relationship with food?

If this vicious on or off a diet cycle no longer existed. They're all really good questions to think about, but it's like, of course you can enjoy the holidays, enjoy the food. And if you're not planning to torture yourself with a diet in January, then what does this look like? How are you showing. So Beth, I just want to ask you, like, what does that look like to you?

How do you enjoy the holidays and not diet starting in June? Well, it just never occurs to me to start something in January. So if there is, you know, a family gathering or say a holiday party, then I will balance it all out. What are the foods that look good? What am I really hungry for? So on and so forth.

So I don't, I mean, the only thing I might do during the day is know that I'm going to have some heavier food. Later in the day. And so I might eat, I'll make sure I get in all of my vegetables or something like that. Earlier in the day, if I'm not sure if there'll be any vegetable, heavy items at an event or a party or family gathering.

So that would probably be about the only change that I would make. And then also drink a lot of water. Yes. I might have, you know, a glass of wine or two. And so I want to make sure that I'm hydrated, but for the most part, just treat them the holidays as is, but then I also balance out like, Do I really need to have something sweet most days or at every single event, like for me, the sugar really starts to make me feel not very good.

And so I've learned that over time. And so, therefore, try to keep a little bit light on the sugary things. Yeah, there's going to be a lot more opportunities for sugar, for sure. I want you to, like, for me, it's like, yes, on Thanksgiving, I'm going to have a slice of pie. Of course. Maybe I'll have to, because it's hard to decide between pecan and pumpkin or whatever, but I'm also like I'm not shooting it or nor should nodding it.

There's not this internal struggle. I'm not talking negatively to myself in the process. So I feel like if you're having the shoulds maybe it's time to pause and kind of think about. Yeah. Maybe sometimes too, there are moments where I have felt more full than I'd like to be. And I listened to my body and that doesn't mean I'm going to punish myself.

The next meal is kinda, like you said, it's just more about balance. Like that next meal might be lighter, but also might not be, you don't have to like over-correct or fix something. If you had maybe eaten more than you had planned rationally like we're just moving forward. We don't have to fix things that have been different.

Go through the wave of eating a lot and then not eating a lot as I navigate through Thanksgiving through new years. And then I certainly don't start with a diet in January because that is a pendulous thing. Great. If you're like, oh, I over eights. Now I have to go on a broth die. And then it's like, well, that just leads to another overeating episode.

Right. So exactly it creates a whole vicious cycle of good cop, bad cop and your own brain about food. And. Then not being able to like, trust yourself around food or amounts of food or types of food. And that's just a whole lot of extra noise in people's brains that we really would like to eliminate.

And there was something that you had said to me before we pushed record, which was the word urgency. What's like when we. Feel like we have to die in January, then all of this sugar and all this food becomes like urgent. It's like, oh, I urgently have to experience this because it's going to go away. But if it's like all just there all the time and yeah.

Then we can kind of reduce that sense of urgency. And then it's just, we learn how to live with it. We don't have to be so weird or. Right. Because, I mean, if we think about it, you can buy pumpkin pie filling year round. So you technically could make a pumpkin pie anytime of year that you wanted it.

And yes, there might be somebody's grandma's recipe or some aunt makes like this, the bass when she only does it on Thanksgiving and that's fine. Right. But it's like, don't create like that, like, oh, I'll never have it again. Around many of these foods because they are, they're just not in the same exact way.

Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. So, yes, please. I'll think about this. How would, how will you show up if you're not going to die in January? So I know some people have concerns because they feel like they have less control over what is served and what they eat. And this time we're going to other people's homes or traveling.

So. What kind of advice do we have for this situation where you feel like not as in control of what word? Yes. If you have a legit food concern, like an allergy or sensitivity, then you will likely have to put in some work and be that person who brings a special dish for everyone to share that you can eat too.

Like don't make yourself ill with an upset stomach or. There are a wide variety of symptoms that come from food, sensitivities and allergies. So don't do that for yourself, just because you think it's going to hurt somebody's feelings that you don't eat such and such thing like that is their job to manage their feelings about something, not your job to not make them feel that.

So you can just say, oh, that's nice. Or. I may not with celiac, but if you must put a little bite on your plate and just don't eat it, I don't know. But just. If you have food, sensitivities or allergies, like just bring something that you can eat. So then that way you're not hungry and feeling, um, left out or angry.

And then by the time you get home, then you're not feeling well. And then also it does require creating a boundary where it might feel awkward with the in-law or the pushy aunt. So we always hear, oh, you must try this. You have to try it. But. You don't have to, because it will make you sick or you just really don't like those, you can say no, but you can do so kindly people may take offense, but that's okay.

Again, you don't have to sacrifice your health to make anyone else happy. Yeah. So what have you don't have allergies? And like some people are just legitimately concerned about their overindulgence. Well, my advice is that this is all just temporary. So maybe you do have less control over what is served or what you eat.

But again, you can still bring things that you like and want to share, and you can honor your intuitive, hunger and full signals. Be aware of your concern for overindulgence, but don't let that dictate how you show up to gather with people. I don't know. Like some people will say like, well, I find myself eating more certain types of events because of.

Like socially, it was a little challenging for me to talk with all these different people. Like I don't like these big events. And so I just feel like if I can just have something in my hand, whether it's food or drinks and I feel a little bit better, but it's like, okay, it's good to be aware of that, but how can we slowly start to, again, we've been talking about not make food, be the thing.

Is easy and our discomfort in other situations. So fortunately it doesn't really fix it. Yeah. Because the awkwardness of being at the event was still, it's still going to be there. So it's like, okay, how can we grow and learn in that capacity without having. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I dunno. I feel like sometimes too, it's like, well also, where can I seek the pleasure in being served?

Or like when someone's taking care of you, there's kind of this beauty in that. Take for granted sometimes released. I do. I'm like, oh, like the act of receiving is challenging, but also really beautiful. And so maybe just shifting focus of like, how can I receive and accept and find the silver lining of the situation.

And you're not dieting afterwards either. So you don't have to say it, but you can find some pleasure and it's going to be okay. Correct. I would say like sometimes the overindulgence that might happen. The actual Thanksgiving meal is that one thing people will do is they might save, like not eat all day and then they eat all the things that there can be like anywhere from five to 20 different things to try to fit in on how your family gathers.

Right. And then we, because we are so hungry, we don't realize that don't show up hungry. Yeah. And so just being like, just still eating with your natural hunger and fullness cues, which means slowing down and just enjoying what is happening, or if you're not a fan of gathering with your family, for whatever reason.

Enjoy it as like a show and be like, okay, and then eat and then exit as you need to, but can just be cool with the food and don't make it make you miserable. Yeah. And it goes back to that whole emotional fix thing is like, I'm feeling discomfort. This food and drink is we think is going to fix our problem, but it doesn't.

So like, what is the root of that? Okay. So this question, this next question might sound. Upsetting for some people, it was upsetting to me the first time I heard it. Right. Like you and I both love food. We went to culinary school because we liked food so much. So the first time I heard this question, I was like, what?

Here it is. What if the holidays were not about the food at all? I mean, what if, because right. We make everything about the food. And so what else could it be about? Is it, yes. People say the connection, but is it really? And then maybe it's not good stories. Could it be about music, either listening to it, talking about it, making music or games or what if the food was just.

Dish to everything else on the plate of the season. Well, wait, what do you think? Yeah. Ever since I was posed that question, I had to go through like the stages of grief first. I can't trust you. And I think for me, it was posed as. Could you travel to Italy and not plan the food part of it. And I was like, why would I go to Italy?

I was like, oh yeah, there's a lot of other stuff to do there. It doesn't have to be all about the food. Right. So once I really got to thinking about that suddenly. I dunno, there was just a shift of like, yes, I can enjoy the food, but like, what else? What can, what else can I focus on? What else can I enjoy it?

And actually did make me less awkward in those social situations to actually be like, I am here to talk to people and connect even as just one person. Right. I want to. Be interested in somebody else at the party, in something else besides the food and the alcohol. And that just became star sort of a practice that I started and it felt really good.

So I just kind of kept going with that and like, yes, of course I still eat the food and I like the food, but it's not like the thing that. I'm not like be lining it to the food. The first thing I do when I walk in and I don't have to. Yeah. Like I'm not standing by the buffet. Like, I don't know. It was just as a different perspective than being my primary focus.

What about you? Yeah. It's actually oddly something I think about year-round in terms of celebration and food. Cause I just ponder it. Not because I'm like obsessed about or anything like that. I just ponder. The various holidays and events and gatherings and celebrations and how it's all seems to be centered around food in some capacities.

So like, oh, my son was in soccer. It was like, everything had to bring us snack for after their game. And I'm like, wait, what? And then. Jews. And I was just, was like, this doesn't make any sense to me. I was like, it's just soccer for six year olds. Like, why do we need to make this whole like tree out of it or whatever.

And then if they do well on something and then we go, then you go and do this. And I just really struggled with that. But anyways, so with the holidays specifically, I don't really mind the celebration for food at all. I enjoy coming up with, you know, different recipes or cooking different things and trying other people's stuff.

And I liked the. Things that we have specifically, my mother's stuffing. It's the best, love it so much because I really get excited about it, but I just really questioned that it feels ingrained that we have to eat more than we feel comfortable doing. And that involves so many sugary things, as I mentioned above.

So. What are some of the other types of dishes that could be fun and festive that may have less sugar or be so heavy. So like, could we create some variety around what shows up on our table? So for example, I know that this is still kind of heavy, but when I can, I like making tamales at Christmas because you can get family members involved in various parts of making them.

And so we're all doing something together. And that can be fun. So it's not that I'm like on holiday food and it's just it starting to question, what does that really look like for me and my family and, and what are some of the traditions I want to create around connecting? And some of it, the connection can be around food and some of the connections should be outside of the kitchen.

So yeah, it's just diversifying. Yeah. Correct. Cause it's like you think about Thanksgiving, it's like leading up to the meal and then you have the meal. So it's been cooking all day. All of these people are helping to do it. And then you have the meal it's like 30 minutes later and then it's over. And then now somebody is like, Pouring over sweating over the sink, cleaning it up and you're like, wait, what?

I guess it's over. And you're just like why it happened there. Right. And then it seems like people start to dwindle and then Christmas the same. It's like, there's like the rush of the presence in Christmas dinner. And then by. 3:00 PM. It's like the excitement is over and people were like, now what? You're like, oh yeah.

I don't know. I feel like Christmas is such a season though, because you go and like, we're leaving out some other holidays and I'm sorry, this it's just what our, yeah. Our experience, but it's like, you go to the grocery store on the end cap. There's like cinnamon. There's hot chocolate. There's just like, there's all these like seasonal flavors and things.

And you're like, I gotta fit all this stuff in the month of December. And it's like, wait, no, I don't like I can have, I mean, I honestly could have peppermint hot chocolate at any time of year. It's like, I don't know. It's like, I don't, it doesn't have to be all about like checking off the things of like, I have to eat all of these things this month or else they're going to go.

Yeah. I don't have a lot of familiarity with all of the types of foods that are around at Hanukkah, but it's a lot of different foods too. Great. So it's just like, it seems like a lot of cultures have created like this huge thing around food and yes, that can be nice. But at the same time, Also remembering to be with the people and what the food is doing.

Just bringing people together. Right. And I think these feasts. Were created and celebrated in a time where we didn't have the food abundance that we have now. Right. Like it was special to be like, we're going to gather, and we're going to make all of the food we have in the village,

you know? And so we're going to go kill our Turkey. We're going to do whatever. And it was like, it was special. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's like we have a, actually over abundance of food in our everyday culture, but we have a lack of gathering and connecting and our every day. And so now it's like, okay, how can we make the holidays be about connecting?

Which is also interesting coming off a pandemic, right. We've had some isolation the last couple of years, and then we're all reentering the road and regathering and it does, it feels so exciting to me, to both though, we have to be aware that there are people. This might feel very nerve wracking. Oh, I got out of it for a couple of years and I'll be expected.

I don't want to go back. Yeah. There's definitely a lot of anxiety, social anxiety, for sure. And even safety. Some people who've experienced like serious issues around the pandemic of course, are going to have more like a different perspective on gathering too. So there's a lot to consider.

Moving away from our standard Western holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas. But how do you feel about people creating new year's resolutions related to health or weight? Well, it sounds well intentioned, right? But over the years I've personally changed the way that I do think about resolutions in general, we have this culture with a mindset of this is the, like the only time for new beginnings and setting intentions.

That is lovely too. Like. Idea, right. I think that's great. Yeah. But I guess to the people who are adding weight to their resolutions, I just ask and what else? Right? The weight loss resolution usually reinforces this idea that you have to lose weight to have a better life. But what if we took the weight out of it altogether?

Like, what are your other hopes and dreams for the future in the coming year? Of course, if you do want to improve your health or even lose weight, like that's okay too. But what else? I like to ask clients to get clear on all of their goals, not just their body and health goals. I want them to know what is important and relevant to them on a broader scale, because when we're focusing on the overall big picture, then the health stuff kind of falls into place most of the time, not the other way around.

Right. What do you think? Yeah, I agree. And just sets up that whole, oftentimes it sets up that whole disappointment. Um, they go in, they have the resolution, they start and they go all in, which is not easy to maintain at all. And research has shown like when we go all in our motivation and willpower, Wayne, when it's at that peak.

And so we have to do things that are smaller. And so however long it takes to get to that point for some people a week, a month, couple months, three months. Then they feel like, oh, look, I've just failed again. And that's. The cycle we want people to be in ever. So that's how we talk. Why don't we talk about diets in general year round and particularly new year.

We don't want people to just continually to be in this cycle of, oh, and then I failed and, and. Yeah. That's why people call us by February, March. Right? Cause they're like, I'm going to do this by myself and do new area. And then they're like, oh, I didn't do it. And it's such a bummer, right? Yeah. We don't want you to live.

Although failure is a part of learning something new. So it's not that we're like failure. Adverse is just failure in the terms of holding yourself to this unrealistic diet that you cannot. Right. And so, but people take that on as shame and the judgment about themselves as a human, right. When really what they were trying to accomplish would be challenged for.

Anyone. Yeah. Right. That's just to be like on a very restrictive lifestyle for long periods of time. She's not our brain doesn't quite work in that capacity. You're also setting yourself up because you're like, oh, Dove into the deep end of the serotonin dopamine by letting loose for the holidays and just throwing it off.

Oh gosh. Yeah. And then it's like then having to work with your brain on being, not desiring all that really over excitatory things, which alone is so challenging. Hey Beth, what is your final takeaway that you want to share with all of us? Don't have the mindset of last supper and then start new in January.

Just start listening to your hunger and full cues now thinking, am I really hungry now? Do I want this? Do I want that? Or would I prefer something else? Like really listen to yourself and honor your hunger and full twos. It's all available. All the food is available. All the thoughts are available. To you, it's remembering that when you put restrictions on ourselves or don't question why I believe these things about food.

That's when we start acting like weirdos, so start slow tuning the best that you can. And if that's hard or scary, reach out to somebody that would love to guide you through developing a more loving relationship with food. That's us and if it's not us, that's okay, too, buddy. Yes, that's so good lines up, buddy.

Okay. So we're going to move on to our weekly segment where each week we keep our eyes peeled for things in the media or in real life that come from diet culture. These are often the subtle things you might not notice, which is why we are sharing that with you today. You're getting all the good ones right now.

I'm like ad free. That's going on? Yes, this week. And it was just a few days ago. I got an ad for a bone broth and the headline says. Brodo is my life. I have lost 40 pounds since starting my subscription and Amy and so much to me. And my initial thought was, well, the only way you're going to lose 40 pounds by drinking bone broth is if that's all you're drinking, right.

If that's. So, I dunno, I was just, I wonder what that's about. And then also I was kind of curious why they didn't take like the gut health route maybe as like their sales point, but maybe that's not interesting or sexy enough, or they tried that and it didn't work. We don't know, but yeah. And also I just noticed that you used the word Brodo, which is like the Italian.

Term for broth. So they're like trying to make it sound exotic and interesting. Cause like maybe bone broth has been played out. Oh, right. Like people are not paying attention to anymore. Yeah. I agree. It did not like the fact that they're using something that people do use for health and nourishment, but it's being again, touted as a.

Weight loss thing. And of course they had to put in 40 pounds. Cause that's even, that's a lie. That's even more like wow. To really get people subscribing. Oh yeah. Such a disappointment. Oh, well, oh well, but we're not, yeah. We're not anti bone broth. It's great. But it's just the way. Pose is present. This is the way, right.

This is how you're going to lose 40 pounds. It was just by drinking. And that's not how that works just in case you needed. Yeah. So please stop buying into these crazy headlines people. Don't bully events. We're never going to get advertised. I know. I need to like, how can I like screen my phone? So it doesn't know that I'm angry at the advertisements, but I don't know.

I got to start clicking on things again, I guess. Well, I sure hope we gave you something new to think about today and helped you take one more step on your path to freeing yourself from diet culture. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Instagram at path underscore nutrition. I see you next week.

Bye.