Resolving Conflicting Views on Weight Loss
A client came to us with a desire to lose weight but that it wasn’t sitting well with her because she’s also really on board with the being body neutral and wants to be a “good” feminist and that because of what she’s learned about anti diet culture she was starting to feel shame about wanting to lose weight.
This is a common conversation, especially now in the age of weight loss medications. People are conflicted, and that’s okay. We can hold space for conflicting beliefs!
First let’s say that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose body fat, lose weight, or seek health (and these are not necessarily the same thing!) And there’s nothing wrong with not wanting any of these things.
We have to stop shaming other people, but especially stop shaming ourselves for decisions we make. All that matters is your reason and if you like your reason. That’s it!
We also must note that we really only promote weight loss if you’re going to also prioritize health. Meaning we do NOT believe in quick fixes without addressing the whole picture or methods that cause more harm than good.
But back to this conversation regarding feeling conflicted. In this case you need to consider that you’re having all or nothing thinking. You’re trying to put yourself all in one box, and it’s okay if different parts of you are in different places. You don’t have to stay stuck in confusion. You can find clarity even if you decide to hold two opposing beliefs.
If you have found yourself lost in confusion about the next steps in your health, weight or nutrition, you can benefit from Life Coaching or Nutrition Therapy to further explore your thoughts and feelings and make decisions and take action.
Now, for some examples, let’s explore some beliefs that we’d like to break down.
Wanting to lose weight means there must be some type of unlovability/unworthiness that I haven’t uncovered and therefore I need to do my work in this area (which keeps her stuck from trying)
ANSWER: I could see if you are moving towards body neutrality that it feels like you can’t desire to lose weight, but here’s where we would start. First, what are your why’s and do you like them? You would definitely want to look into doing more work if you’re reason was I will be happier if I lose weight. But if you’re why is say that you’re not feeling physically well and you know you’re not taking care of yourself then you might consider exploring a belief that you want to make changes to the inputs/habits in my daily life, not just I want to lose weight. You can also ask yourself why don’t I want to lose weight and see what comes up!
Wanting to lose weight is a sign that you’re participating in the patriarchy - which then means I am complicit and “bad”
Are there great feminists who also want to lose weight or change their body? I don’t see why not. NOT doing something you want to do in spite of the patriarchy isn’t doing anyone any favors either. I
All decisions about your body are yours - not in favor of or in opposition to anyone, ideal, or otherwise. You still give your power away whenever you don’t fully stand up for yourself, even if you think you are doing it to not be a part of an established system that you are opposed to.
3. Not wanting to lose weight is a sign you’ve successfully done your body image homework therefore I must not be successful in this area yet because I want to lose weight.
You can have a great body image right now and decide to change it. It’s that simple! In fact, we think you really have to find self acceptance in order to change it if that’s what you want to do.
The lesson is to be whatever you want to be and please be nice to yourself first. Our brains want to make things so complex and we overthink it but that’s like a trick to keep us stuck.
If you need help, please contact us!
