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You are listening to wait a minute with Jessica and Beth episode 13.

Okay. So I had a great conversation with my friend recently about weight loss and opposing beliefs, and I thought it would be such a fun topic to chat about with you Beth, on this podcast for our listeners. So, what do you say? I'm always up for a great conversation. We didn't talk about this podcast before.

This is like totally fresh in our brains. So my friend and this friend came to me saying she was having a desire to lose weight lately, but like it wasn't sitting well with her because she's also really onboard with body positivity and wants to be a quote unquote, good feminist. You know, that because of what she's learned about anti-diet culture, she was actually flipping this on herself and then creating shame about wanting to leave.

Can I ask a question? Does this friend know that you're talking about her on, oh yeah. She's not a client. She's totally a friend. I actually asked her. I was like, do you want to be on this podcast? Because I thought it'd be interesting. Cause she was like, no, no, no, because we're going to have her on a Adelaide.

So, well, all that aside, I just want to say the reason why that comes up for me. And it's like, I don't want people to think like, we're, um, like don't fear if you're not everybody's laundry, for sure. Totally approved. Cause we don't want to feel like you're a podcast fodder, if you have a conversation with me.

Okay. So that dichotomy is. Totally normal and natural, particularly because when we are becoming aware of something, but we're still working it out within ourselves, it just feels like we're in this weird crossroads of sorts. And so to me, it's like not all of her parts are on board yet with wanting to lose weight.

And so then it can feel hard to make a decision or move forward because you're hearing that ping pong of opposing chatter, like I want to, but I don't want to, and that, oh my gosh. Now I'm feeling shame because I don't know if I should be really do I want to lose weight. So I think that. Exactly. So I'm going to share some of the thoughts that she offered for sharing.

Okay. The first, I just want to preface this by saying like, this is an example of all or nothing thinking. I think it can be confusing to the brain, the brain, and it's normal to be confused. If you're believing, there must only be one right. Answer in diet culture. We're taught. Okay. The right answer is weight loss.

And then in anti-diarrhea culture, the right answer. Don't lose weight or just, you know, follow your, your intuition or whatever. Right. Right. So if we were only thinking there's one right answer, you know, then our brain kind of glitches out. We're trying to put something in a specific box. It has to go in box air.

And if it doesn't fit in box air B, our brain just literally glitches than we do in confusion. And then we continue to seek outward quote, unquote, the answer, right? Because we are humans, not robots. There is an empty. And you may or may not agree with some thoughts provided to you by diet culture. And you may or may not agree with some thoughts.

Learn from antedate culturally, you might have some opposing thoughts. And we talked about this earlier with labels. You don't have to be just one thing or have just one desire from a specific box. You can have two opposing truths in existence. It would feel almost unnatural to always only think in one linear way, but we get the message often that that's not the case.

Like we should only be in this camper that can. Of many different things, but if we're talking about diet culture here or dieting or weight loss or health seeking, however you want to label it, there's only the one way. Right. So then we really spend, when we can't reconcile that one way is not at all, what's right for us.

And so then we're like, well, what now? What do I do? And so then you're stuck. Yeah. Yeah. Which is also interesting from a coaching perspective, because that's what our brain is designed to do is to look for ways to keep us stuck so that we don't move forward because it is scary to make change. We ended up in that.

So, okay. I want to just share a few of these thoughts that we can talk about, because I think that some people will identify with these belief systems on either side. I thought they were really interesting too. So these, let me be clear. These are thoughts that she had. Yeah. She is a life coach talk and life coach language, which is.

You know, so she was able to look at her brain and these were thoughts that she noticed her brain was sending her, and then she shared them with me. And then we, we looked at them. So I want to do this with the audience so that they can kind of get an idea of like, how do we do this? So one of her thoughts was like, well, if I want to lose weight, then that means that there's some type of like unlovability or unworthiness.

That I haven't recovered. And so like, I need to keep doing more work in this area in a way that keeps me stuck from moving forward, because I'm like, no, I need to keep doing more work on my sense of worth in my, my lovability. So is she saying that she feels stuck because. She feels like if she doesn't do the work on uncovering any unworthiness or on lovability, then she can't go to exactly.

Gotcha. Just the desire to lose weight means that she must use some work on herself first. So it's like, oh, I can't focus on my goals of weight loss because what this really means is that there's something else wrong. Correct? You mentioned before she was liking the body positively components of it. Like she's already on board.

She's like, I love this movement and I've embraced it. I already love myself. So it feels like if you are in the body positivity camp, that it feels like you shouldn't have the desire to lose weight. And so, you know, I think about, well, what are the why's of wanting to lose weight? And do you like them? We talk about this a lot.

And so I think that this. Where that is because part of me is like questioning. Is it really about unlovability and unworthiness? That's not uncovered. Maybe she's just not clear on what her why's are. Or some of her parts of her are not clear. And our. Not necessarily in line with them. So I would definitely want to have her look into doing more work of the reasons behind being happier if she loses weight.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Looking into, do you think you'll be happier if you lose weight or not and that sort of thing. And then if your, why is I'm not feeding myself with. Nourishing foods and I'm feeling tired and achy. Those are very different things, right? We talk about like, you have to have that come from a good place.

Exactly. So flip the message that you're telling yourself that I want to make these changes to the inputs in my daily life. Not just, I want to lose weight and not think well, oh, I must have. Some unworthiness that I haven't uncovered yet, but if you're still wondering if there's still thoughts about unworthiness, check in with those internal thoughts and feelings and a bit of quiet reflection.

And so, is there a part of you that really does believe and needs reassurance that she's a hundred percent accepted as is? And does she know she's feeling her best in terms of health and weight? So there could be just the part that's like, no, I actually don't feel worthy, but it's being railroad by all these other ones that want.

So something that I had shared with her just in this conversation was like, it really just becomes your decision. Like you said, it's your why. And as long as you like your why, so even if your, why is a little bit about vanity, if you truly do align with that, if you like that, why it's okay. As long as you're taking action again, from that loving place, not from vanity from hate standpoint.

Exactly. So that's the thing is, does being vain mean that you have to hate. Can you be vain and love yourself? I think you can. Why not. I mean, I think it's human nature to be a little bit vague and it doesn't necessarily mean that vanity is negative. Do we really think that just because you have some want to look a certain way, that vanity means bad?

I think vanity is only bad when we're creating negativity towards others in ourself with it. So if you're not. Let's do it. I think we're tying up the word vanity. We're tying up the action of dropping body fat as these things that either have to be very altruistic or super vain, but it's like, what if it's none of that?

What if it's just an action that you take and as long as your mind is right about it, then it's whatever I literally. Be thin, be fat, be a cat. Just be nice to yourself.

Yeah. I started write me. This is when I was like a little feverish, right? So ultimately like you get to decide what you want to do and you can love yourself. And also you don't have to do more work in that area. If you already feel like you've done it and you can want to lose weight. Those two opposing truths can be true.

True. The other thought. Wanting to lose weight is a sign that you're participating in the patriarchy, which then means I'm complicit in participating in the patriarchy and therefore quote, unquote bad for wanting to lose weight. Interesting. I was like, well, can you be a quote, unquote, good feminist, and also want to change your body.

Sure why not? Right. We wrap up these different ideas with each other because other people told us that they belong together, but they don't have to blog together. My response is all decisions about your body or your. All of them. Yeah. So not in favor of, or in opposition to anyone, any ideal or otherwise you give your power away whenever you don't fully stand up for yourself.

Even if you think you are doing it to not be a part of an established system that you opposed to. If it's not coming from your true place about yourself, it doesn't matter. It has to be about you and your decisions a hundred percent. Cause you don't want to feel like you're, you know, participating in that patriotic feeling that is still giving some thoughts about yourself and power away to something else.

I think that's so perfectly said. I couldn't add to that any better. Thank you. All decisions about your body are yours. Isn't that nice. The government and other humans would agree with that. But if we can all kind of start from there and that includes all of it, you know, the fight against reproductive rights, the fight against my own body as mine is.

Your decisions are your decisions, and it's not up for somebody else's opinion to decide. When we think about body size and health and doctors. Yes. We want to value what the doctor might say in some regards about our health. There's components of it that like, there are people that don't value those things the way a medical doctor does, but they still need and want medical care, but the doctors are treating them.

And for two weeks they have a different value. So we can't make decisions that are not aligned with ourselves. So, yeah. Yeah. And you could say it on either side, like if you're listening to diet culture, or you're listening to diet culture, and you're just kind of. Following what that says, because you were putting your trust in this outward place.

Is that really aligning with your own autonomy? So yes, you can be a great feminist and when it changes your body, there's nothing wrong with that. This final thought that she shared with me, that was interesting too, which is the idea of not wanting to lose weight is a sign you've successfully done your body image, homework.

Therefore, if I want to lose weight, then I must not be successful yet in this area. What she's saying is like, well, I thought I did all my work. I thought I looked at my body, but if I want to lose weight, then maybe I don't really love my body. Yeah. I mean, I don't know, like, why can't you have a great body image and not want to change it.

It all comes back to. Why do you feel like you want to change? And are you okay with your why? And is it coming from a good place because maybe it's an experiments like, well, I want to try this or I want to see how I feel like this, or do I want to get more muscular? Do I want to get more bendy, motor some of the explorations of this human body and what it can do.

And so that if we can come at it from that, it's like, what can my body do when I do this with. Yes, it's nobody else's business, what you want to do with it. And so it's the most important thing. And what we tell everybody, when they walk away, I want you to know how to make your own decisions and choices.

How you go about putting food into your mind at the end of this, wherever you find yourself in life and whatever phase, you know, how to take the next step, whatever that step may be, whether it is working more on lovability and, you know, liking your body the way it is or it's knowing how to change it. If you want to change it.

What matters is just that you make the decision and you get to decide what you want to believe. And you can hold two truths at once. Sometimes it became be confusing, right? You're like, where am I at? I like to ask my question, like, well, am I feeling chill about this decision? Because I think when it comes to weight loss, we feel this sense of rush.

And we've already talked about what does that rush about? And so if you're feeling anxious or inner rush, or you notice those mean thoughts seeping in. That's the yellow flag, for sure. Yeah. I think another yellow flag, it's almost like a nervous urgency. Like we're seeking information and desires in a way that wouldn't, you know, if were like, oh, what color couch cushion?

What I like to have. Great example of just an everyday normal, boring thought. You can go down the wormhole of like, well, why is blue the best color for. Okay. Is that the Pantone color of the years? What I should be doing is that what color I should paint the walls. And then what happens is people are like, oh, I love this blue couch.

I'm going to try out this blue couch. And then all of a sudden, an article comes about the pink plush. Well, I just read this article about the pink Bush couch. Well, now I'm to throw out my blue couch. I have to buy a pink couch right there. Maybe I can hide it with these pink pillows and help. And so think about all the things that we would do, putting that into diet culture.

It's like, wow, I really feel good when I eat this way. But this new diet tells me that I'll feel better if I eat this way. So I guess I'll try that, but it's going against how I really feel. Good eating this type of food. I've actually heard that a couple times recently where they're like, I'm doing it, I'm on the right track.

And it's like, it's normal. It's like, I feel good. And then it's like, oh yeah, I read this thing and now I'm gonna try something different, which is fine. If it's coming from that place of curiosity again, you know, an exploration like of course do, whatever's going to feel good. You know when we're also like, no, I just have to follow whatever is coming at me.

Like that is a moving target and you're never going to hit it. Never since the beginning of time. So are you chill? Yeah. What is the vibe? If you're feeling anxious and like you said, is that sense of urgency, then that might be something worth exploring, but yeah, you can have two opposing beliefs. They can both be true and you can hold them both simultaneously.

And then you can decide what you want because you're a human with autonomy. We'll wrap it up with a nice, pretty bow. The lesson is to be whatever you want to be. And please be nice to yourself first. So, remember your brains want to make things more complicated than they really are for some reason. So we like to overthink it.

We like to get in this thought loop of monkey brain madness, and it's a trick to keep you stuck. So don't fall into it. Something feels off. Check in. What is the message behind the thought loop? Is it true? Is it monkey mind or is there a part of you that is not okay with something and it needs to be heard perfectly set

each week we keep our eyes peeled for things in the media or in real life that come from diet culture. These are often the subtle things that you may or may not notice, which is why we are sharing it with. What do you have for us this week? I headline of Adele having not lost her voice with her weight.

So disturbing to me. So the, it was in the New York posts and it read Adele's Oprah concert prove she didn't lose her voice with those pounds. I know that we are not the first people to talk about that. But I think we need to say it again and again, what we last is not news. No. So this is along the lines of that people magazine article that we brought up with Gwyneth Paltrow couple weeks ago.

So. Adele did a killer performance. That dress was amazing. I'm not even sure how she walked in it. I know those types of dresses are always amazing. I'm like, I'd be flat on my horse, I guess. I'm not coordinated to the walk clothes like that, but she did so good and it was so amazing and that new album is out and it's just so amazing.

And that's your takeaway? Oh, phew. Glad she didn't lose her vocal cords and her exercise routine. Like how, like what did they know? How science in the body word, great weight loss is not going to affect her talent. Yeah. This is just clickbait. And I was telling you about that. I was reading somewhere else.

I think what they were saying was that the original writer of the article that wasn't his headline. Remember we talked about that with the Gwyneth PA thing is like, the editors are doing these things that are not good. Stop it editors because they know it's going to sell. You are buying it. So we're here to tell you let's not buy the weight loss news, and let's keep talking about it until, you know, they can change the headlines to, I say, if you see clickbait, don't click on it.

Oh yeah. And if you see a headline like this, those trying to get your attention and you don't like some message do not click on it. If you must do something. You can see where the source is from and just send a message to the publication that wrote it, call them out on it, but do not click on the headline stuff.

It, have you messaged anybody yet? No, but it's only because I just thought of this idea. You're like, I literally just thought it really. So it is a. I'm going to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm being a troll and sometimes I'm also like, is it even worth my time? But I think, yes, I think if everybody's on board with it and we're all kind of like sending a note, like do better, you know, which sometimes I do have faith in humanity.

I think like people will sometimes post things on Instagram and then you can read the comments and people are like, just do better. Like let's stop costs being in vain about certain people just because of their weight or whatever. And so, I don't know. I think there, there is a small group of people out there speaking up, but the more that we can speak up, the faster it will change and the better we will all be correct.

I'm going to stop seeing headlines like. Please please. But I will say I have been getting only like random home product and slightly, oh, you fixed her algorithm cause they're not clicking. So I went and put in search term diets and stuff. So I should start seeing some weird stuff again, sooner should be really good, but they have figured things out.

So. I had turned off the share of against platforms. They can't see what I'm searching for and work related to the diet stuff, which is how I was getting things. And so I'd have to turn off one feature in order to see all these weird ads. But I know if I go to Pinterest, then I will see all the things. I just, haven't gone to Pinterest.

That's a trove of things, even though they were trying to do better. So there's a lot of like really stupid infographics out there and like, oh, the infographics on Pinterest or like the total. Anyways, I digress. I just want people to know I'm looking forward to messing up my algorithm. So I don't get products that I might actually purchase, so I can see weird diet culture ads.

So if you have some that you see send them to me on an app. And so@pathnutrition.com send me or weird ads, or you can send them to us in Instagram at path underscore nutrition. Well, I sure hope we gave you something new to think about today and helped you take one more step on your path to freeing yourself from diet culture.

Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Instagram again at path underscored nutrition. See you next week. .